The Quotes Page

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great - Mark Twain

"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." - Albert Einstein

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it. - Groucho Marx

Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever. - Baron Munchausen, from The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.

I am always myself. If I am not I, who will be? - Henry David Thoreau

In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination. - Mark Twain

To be sure, I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses." - Nietzsche

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." - Albert Einstein

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? - Groucho Marx

All genuine goodness is original and as free from cant and tradition as the air. - Henry David Thoreau

For business reasons, I must preserve the outward sign of sanity. - Mark Twain

I think my priorities are right. I will sacrifice myself or anyone else for the movie. It will last. We'll all be dust." - Terry Gilliam

"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." - Albert Einstein

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. - Groucho Marx

Each man's necessary path, though as obscure and apparently uneventful as that of a beetle in the grass, is the way to the deepest joys he is susceptible of; though he converses only with moles and fungi and disgraces his relatives, it is no matter if he knows what is steel to his flint. - Henry David Thoreau

"The world is made of laws now. Laws of hydraulics, laws of social dynamics, laws of this, that and the other. No place for three-legged cyclops in the South Seas. No place for cucumber trees and oceans of wine. No place for me." - Baron Munchausen, from the Adventures of Baron Munchausen

We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift--our personal association, which means so much to them--we give grudgingly. - Mark Twain

"The best friend will probably get the best wife, because a good marriage is based on a talent for friendship." - Nietzsche

Wouldn't it be great if I *was* crazy? Then the world would be okay. - James Cole, from 12 Monkeys

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." - Albert Einstein

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence. Wherever a man separates from the multitude and goes his own way, there is a fork in the road, though the travelers along the highway see only a gap in the paling. - Henry David Thoreau

Did you lose your mind all at once, or was it a slow, gradual process? - Jack Lucas, from The Fisher King

Of course you don't know! You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you--and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear? - Mr. Turkentine (teacher from Willy Wonka)

"This world is too small for the nobel spirit; It soars upward on wings of inspiration..." - Nietzsche

There has been only one Christian. They caught and crucified him--early. - Mark Twain

The educational system in large states will always be mediocre at best, for the same reason that the cooking in large kitchens is at best mediocre. - Nietzsche

There's the television. It's all right there - all right there. Look, listen, kneel, pray. Commercials! We're not productive anymore. We don't make things anymore. It's all automated. What are we *for* then? We're consumers, Jim. Yeah. Okay, okay. Buy a lot of stuff, you're a good citizen. But if you don't buy a lot of stuff, if you don't, what are you then, I ask you? What? Mentally *ill*. Fact, Jim, fact - if you don't buy things - toilet paper, new cars, computerized yo-yos, electrically-operated sexual devices, servo systems with brain-implanted headphones, screwdrivers with miniature built-in radar devices, voice-activated computers - Jeffery Goines, from 12 Monkeys

"The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. The religion which based on experience, which refuses dogmatic. If there's any religion that would cope the scientific needs it will be Buddhism...." - Albert Einstein

I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. - Groucho Marx

The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer. - Henry David Thoreau

Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about. - Willy Wonka

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself - Mark Twain

Madness is rare in individuals--but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule. - Nietzsche

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods." - Albert Einstein

This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. - King of Swamp Castle, from Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did. - Groucho Marx

Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. - Henry David Thoreau

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Nietzsche

Sorry. Sorry. I got a little agitated. The thought of escape crossed my mind, and then suddenly - suddenly - suddenly I felt like bending the fucking bars back, ripping the goddamn window frames and eating them - yes, *eating* them! Leaping, leaping, leaping! Colonics for everyone! All right! You dumbasses. I'm a mental patient. I'm *supposed* to act out! - Jeffrey Goines, from 12 Monkeys

I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. - Willy Wonka

Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. - Mark Twain

"The only source of knowledge is experience" - Albert Einstein

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! - French Knight, from Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Women should be obscene and not heard. - Groucho Marx

Talk about slavery! ... It exists wherever men are bought and sold, wherever a man allows himself to be made a mere thing or a tool, and surrenders his inalienable rights of reason and conscience. Indeed this slavery is more complete than that which enslaves the body alone. - Henry David Thoreau

I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein

Women should be obscene and not heard. - Groucho Marx

Wiping out the human race? That's a great idea. That's great. But more of a long-term thing. I mean, first we have to focus on more immediate goals. - Jeffrey Goines, from 12 Monkeys

"How many a man has dated a new era in his life from the reading of a book." - Henry David Thoreau

The trouble is that the stupid people--who constitute the grand overwhelming majority of this and all other nations--do believe and are moulded and convinced by what they get out of a newspaper. - Mark Twain

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." - Albert Einstein

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

You don't frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English Kaaaaaaa-nig-its! - French Knight, from Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Talk about slavery! ... It exists wherever men are bought and sold, wherever a man allows himself to be made a mere thing or a tool, and surrenders his inalienable rights of reason and conscience. Indeed this slavery is more complete than that which enslaves the body alone. - Henry David Thoreau

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity." - Albert Einstein

You know what crazy is? Crazy is majority rules! - Jeffrey Goines, from 12 Monkeys

Room service? Send up a larger room. - Groucho Marx

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." - Mark Twain

"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something." - Henry David Thoreau

"The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives." - Albert Einstein

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? - Groucho Marx

We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. - Nietzsche

"Faith is believing in something you know ain't true." - Mark Twain

"What people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can." - Henry David Thoreau

There was this guy, and he was always requesting shows that had already played. Yes. No. You have to tell her before. He couldn't quite grasp the idea that the charge nurse couldn't make it be yesterday. She couldn't turn back time, thank you, Einstein! Now, *he* was nuts! *He* was a fruitcake, Jim! - Jeffry Goines, from 12 Monkeys

"A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of others ." - Albert Einstein

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. - Groucho Marx

"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!" - Nietzsche

When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Son, the strongest castle in all of England - King of Swamp Castle, from Monty Python and The Holy Grail

"What a man misses mostly in heaven is company." - Mark Twain

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." - Henry David Thoreau

"Only a life lived for others is a life worth while ." - Albert Einstein

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. - Groucho Marx

"'In God We Trust.' I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true." - Mark Twain

"Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler." - Albert Einstein

"Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." - Henry David Thoreau

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. - Groucho Marx

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." - Mark Twain.

"If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. Men will believe what they see."- Henry David Thoreau

Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. - Tim The Enchanter, from Monty Python and The Holy Grail

I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. - Mr. Turkentine (teacher from Willy Wonka)

"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing." - Albert Einstein

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening... but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx

"A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows." - Mark Twain.

"Goodness is the only investment that never fails." - Henry David Thoreau

"Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift." - Albert Einstein

There is no such thing as right and wrong, there's just popular opinion. - Jeffrey Goines, from 12 Monkeys

Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? - Yoda

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx

"In truth, there was only one Christian, and he died on the cross" - Nietzsche

The perception of beauty is a moral test. - Henry David Thoreau

"Blasphemy? No, it is not blasphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy; if He is as little as that, He is beneath it." - Mark Twain

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein

"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." - Henry David Thoreau

There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be. - Willy Wonka

How do I feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. -Groucho Marx

The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception. - Nietzsche

I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he had imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry David Thoreau

Do... or do not. There is no try. - Yoda

Don't mock me my friend. It's a condition of mental divergence. I find myself on the planet Ogo, part of an intellectual elite, preparing to subjugate the barbarian hordes on Pluto. But even though this is a totally convincing reality for me in every way, nevertheless Ogo is actually a construct of my psyche. I am mentally divergent, in that I am escaping certain unnamed realities that plague my life here. When I stop going there, I will be well. Are you also divergent, friend? - L.J. Washington, from 12 Monkeys

"Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven" - Mark Twain

"Force always attracts men of low morality, and I believe it to be an invariable rule that tyrants of genius are succeeded by scoundrels." - Albert Einstein

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. - Henry David Thoreau

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

"At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid." - Nietzsche

"The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad." - Friedrich Nietzsche

If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it. - Willy Wonka

"So much blood has been shed by the Church because of an omission from the Gospel: "Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is." Not merely tolerant of it, but indifferent to it. Divinity is claimed for many religions; but no religion is great enough or divine enough to add that new law to its code." - Mark Twain.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions-the curtain was up. - Groucho Marx

"The suspense is terrible, I hope it will last" - from Oscar Wilde's play, "The Importance of Being Earnest."

"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." - Albert Einstein

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. - Unknown

What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. - Henry David Thoreau

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. - Groucho Marx

"Nationalism is an infantile sickness. It is the measles of the human race." - Albert Einstein

I am disappointed to find that most that I am and value myself for is lost, or worse than lost, on my audience. I fail to get even the attention of the mass. I should suit them better if I suited myself less. I feel the public demand an average man - average thoughts and manners - not originality, nor even absolute excellence. You cannot interest them except as you are like them and sympathize with them. - Henry David Thoreau

There's no earthly way of knowing / Which direction we are going / There's no knowing where we're rowing / Or which way the river's flowing / Is it raining? / Is it snowing? / Is a hurricane a-blowing? / Not a speck of light is showing / So the danger must be growing / Are the fires of hell a-glowing? / Is the grisly reaper mowing? / Yes, the danger must be growing / 'Cause the rowers keep on rowing / And they're certainly not showing / Any signs that they are slowing! - Willy Wonka

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. - Groucho Marx

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

"The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat. " - Albert Einstein

Where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head? - William Shakespeare

Silence is the communing of a conscious soul with itself. If the soul attend for a moment to its own infinity, then and there is silence. She is audible to all men, at all times, in all places, and if we will we may always hearken to her admonitions. - Henry David Thoreau

If the good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn't have invented roller-skates. - Willy Wonka

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. - Groucho Marx

Dreams are the touchstones of our character. - Henry David Thoreau

"I never think of the future. It comes soon enough." - Albert Einstein

Millions are awake enough for physical labor; but only one in a million is awake enough for effective intellectual exertion, only one in a hundred million to a poetic or divine life. To be awake is to be alive. I have never yet met a man who was quite awake. How could I have looked him in the face? - Henry David Thoreau

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. - Willy Wonka

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here! - Groucho Marx

You who govern public affairs ... Love virtue, and the people will be virtuous. The virtues of a superior man are like the wind; the virtues of a common man are like the grass; the grass, when the wind passes over it, bends. - Henry David Thoreau

There's one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook - Groucho Marx

We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams. - Arthur O'Shaughnessy

There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root. - Henry David Thoreau

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing..if you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

In the long run men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high. - Henry David Thoreau

So shines a good deed in a weary world. - William Shakespeare

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. - Groucho Marx

Drive a nail home, and secure it so faithfully that you can wake up in the night and think of your work with satisfaction. - Henry David Thoreau

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

Up the airy mountain, down the rushing glen,
we dare not go a hunting, for fear of little men!
You see, nobody ever goes in and nobody ever comes out! - William Allingham.

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. - Henry David Thoreau

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin. - Groucho Marx

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. - Henry David Thoreau

Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know. - Groucho Marx

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